Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
