remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
