you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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