omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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