So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
