So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
