wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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