I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
