i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
