When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
