saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
