1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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