I want to have your abortion
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
