I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
