i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize