so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
