I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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