I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
