My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
where are you?
Hypothermia
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
