they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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