You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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