you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
