so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize