Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
