I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
