I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
