I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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