I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
