Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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