Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
