hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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