dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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