i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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