dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
