Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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