I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
