There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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