I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
