we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
