he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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