i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
