you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
