My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
