thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Alive.
So much puke
whose parrot is this?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize