Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So squirting runs in the family.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
