Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
