mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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