I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
