the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
