I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
