my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
