I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
