It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
