Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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