it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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