Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
