i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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