I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
