Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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