We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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