You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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