Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
