She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
