Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
