Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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