It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
