i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
