when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize