I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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