dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
